JONAH HEX (2010)

Running Time: 81 mins.                        Rating: 1 Star/5 Stars

MPAA Rating: PG-13

Director: Jimmy Hayward

Genre: Action/Drama/Thriller/Western

Country: USA

Language: English

Distributor: Warner Brothers

Cast: Josh Brolin, John Malkovich, Megan Fox, Michael Fassbender, Will Arnett, Michael Shannon, Tom Wopat, Wes Bentley, Aidan Quinn, Rance Howard

Another cult comic book comes to the big screen that should have been left under the bed.  JONAH HEX makes Will Smith’s horrendous feature version of the classic tv series, WILD WILD WEST look like an Academy Award winner.  The film seems to last longer than the Civil War.  The director (a Pixar animator attempting to upgrade his job description) is trying very hard to emulate the hackneyed directing career of Uwe Boll.

During the War of Northern Aggression (as they call it south of the Mason/Dixon) Jonah Hex (Josh Brolin) is branded a traitor for preventing his commanding officer General Quentin Turnball (John Malkovich) from destroying a Northern hospital.  Turnball, who blames Hex for the death of his son, captures Hex, murders his family and burns him with a branding iron.  After surviving his near death experience with the assistance of his noble red man rescuers Hex wanders the post-war West, like many of his real life brethren, working as bounty hunter for unscrupulous townspeople while keeping company with Lilah (Megan Fox) the typical whore with a heart of gold (and stiletto).

Everything goes hell in a hand basket when Turnball goes after Eli Whitney’s 1860s version of a weapon of mass destruction (I guess the cotton gin wasn’t a big enough invention).  This in turn causes President Ulysses S. Grant portrayed by Aidan Quinn to give Jonah Hex an offer he can’t refuse to come to the aid of his country.  As expected in a script written by Neveldine/Taylor (CRANK) third rate Michael Bay explosions come into play big time.  As they always say, if you have a gatling gun you gotta use it.

Malkovich as he has a habit of doing as of late chews the scenery with gusto while emulating acting giants of the past who sully their reputation for the paycheck (see Marlon Brando).  It was a pleasant surprise to see Opie’s character actor dad Rance Howard pop up in a cameo.

If you like this recommendations: The Spirit, Punisher: War Zone, Ghost Rider