THE FIVE-YEAR ENGAGEMENT (2012)
Running Time: 124 mins. Rating: x Stars/5 Stars
MPAA Rating: R
Director: Nicholas Stoller
Cast: Jason Segel, Emily Blunt, Chris Pratt, Alison Brie, Lauren Weedman, Mimi Kennedy, David Paymer, Jacki Weaver, Jim Piddock, Dakota Johnson, Jane Carr, Clement von Franckenstein, Rhys Ifans, Mindy Kaling, Randall Park, Kevin Hart, Tim Heidecker
This movie is for all those annoying couples that have been dating for a million years that never get married. Thank you Jason Segel for revealing in romantic-comedy-form an example of an even more frustrating duo that can’t seem to get the job done. THE FIVE-YEAR ENGAGEMENT is undoubtedly hilarious, but it directly targets the issue most long-term couples have when you basically live a lifetime with someone and nothing really changes and you wonder if you were just ‘almost’ perfect for each other.
The only problem is I’m not so sure I want to see this sort of relationship dramatized. The story surrounds itself around Violet (Emily Blunt) who wants to pursue her life-long dream of playing psychological pranks on unassuming students with other pretentious academic weirdos. Since this is set in the 21st Century, Tom (Jason Segel) is pressured to leave his comfy job as a sous-chef in San Francisco to work at a sandwich shop in Michigan so Violet can be happy professionally and not resent him when her life revolves around cleaning puke and preparing lunches. This is a little been there, done that, but it’s refreshing to see how a relationship functions when the guy lets the girl wear the pants.
The only major letdown for the girls is the serious lack of actual wedding planning. Although, Segel makes up for it by flashing that saggy butt of his while cooking breakfast. And what’s with the grandparents dying before the wedding and the series of young Asian wives? And there were absolutely no cupcakes in the making of this movie (instead we just get a really long explanation for having stale donuts in the room). There are other moments of emasculation, from knitting tuxedos to accidentally shooting your wife with a crossbow. And, did anyone else get the whole thing about RATATOUILLE?
Sure, Jason Segel and Emily Blunt have a beautiful chemistry together in the ability of discussing faking it in bed and getting super-laid, but their chummy relationship gets pushed to the side with the deliciously magnetic marriage between Chris Pratt and Alison Brie. I’ve never been more attracted to an absolute moron. It makes me want to follow in the footsteps of Katherine Heigl and get knocked up and live happily ever after. Forget Cookie Monster when he says, “C is for Condom.” THE FIVE-YEAR ENGAGEMENT is basically telling you to grab a cookie before you reach the bottom of the cookie jar. And nobody wants to dig up the crumbs.
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